Plus Size Positive

Victoria's Secret is catching fire this week after their Chief Marketing Director made some upsetting statements regarding the show's casting direction. Specifically what was said was particularly harmful to Plus size women and those in the Transgender community. While it is all too tempting to focus on the upsetting meaning behind the statements, I'd like to combat his views with the victory I've found in mine.

If you've known me at all, or followed me over the past year, you may have heard me speak about my issues with Body Positivity. It's no secret that I've struggled with various aspects of my body, my image and my confidence throughout my entire adolescence. It would be safe to say, most all of us have. Unfortunately, it doesn't just decide to click off one day or the moment you've decided you've had enoug:. enough of the paralysing insecurity, enough of the body you've cried over too many nights, enough wishing you did not look like THIS anymore.

Although I haven't taken to my blog yet to discuss my journey, I want to skip forward to where I am today -- I'll get back to the who, what, when, where and why behind my story another day.

I turned to LK the other day and asked the dreaded question, "Do you think I've gained weight?" The look on his face said it all. Talk about paralysing fear. Ha! As women, we all know there is no right answer to this question. Yet he persisted, "Why do you feel this way?" After pinching here and shaking there, I just sat down defeated - back to that familiar feeling of defeat and self doubt.

He kept on with that "But babe I don't care about any of that.." nonsense (xoxo LK) but you KNOW WHAT I MEAN. It wasn't what I was looking for and it certainly wasn't what I wanted to hear. I just wanted to feel sorry for myself and I didn't want to feel anything else. So I took a bath, cried about the rolls that felt too big and the bathtub that felt too small that evening. As I drowned myself in self pity, I began reading.

It was the night after the Victoria's Secret Fashion show. No, no that wasn't the cause of my insecurity episode. The show used to make me feel what I'm sure a bunch of others have felt before - fat, ugly and hungry. But all of that changed as I became more comfortable with who I was - all of who I was - size 12 (UK Size 14) and all.

But that's not the point.

That night, in my bathtub of pity and shame, my newsfeeds were flooding with plus size influencers, models and body positivity advocates taking a stand.

Women drawing wings on their images of their whole selves - stretch marks, scars, loose skin, rolls (etc.) -- Plus Size Models reposting images of their friends in the show congratulating their accomplishments -- Bloggers encouraging their followers to see beauty in their selves rather than falling into the comparison trap of wanting to look like them -- Friends sharing their own stories of weight gain/loss and what confidence and body positivity has meant in their lives -- the list goes on and on!

As I scrolled, I began to feel very small in that tub.

In a world that is so consumed with image, I was reminded of the person I had decided to be at the beginning of this year. 2018 was a major year in my Self Love Journey. Instead of a cliche weight loss resolution, my goals this year were indeed focused on my body - but had nothing to do with losing but had everything to do with gaining: gaining respect for myself, gaining confidence in the body I had, gaining respect for the process, gaining joy in who I was NOW - not who I could be (etc.).

You don't just decide to love yourself and suddenly wake up one morning healed from the abuse you've put yourself through for years. Self Love is a daily decision. Choosing to see yourself with all new eyes is a skill that takes a whole lot of practice. It requires quite the commitment to filling your body with the Truth - realising who you are and Who's you are, taking time to refuel (reading, exercise, meditation, mani/pedi etc.), and even making a commitment to allow yourself to fail. Some days are harder than others.

The other night was hard.

Thankfully, I know these days come.

And they go.

Slipping into bed that night, I didn't feel "healed" but I felt better.

70 year old CMO's can say what they want, but I am so thankful for the community of women I have filled my feed with who can yell far louder than he, "BEAUTY IS NOT A SIZE."

I'm thankful for the Kendalls, for the Ashleys, for the Iskras and for the Winnies....

Beauty comes in all shapes, colors and sizes.

Does the industry need more representation? Abso-freaking-lutely.

But the industry DOES NOT decide what is or what isn't beautiful.

There's so much freedom in realising that fact alone.

There is no such thing as "real women."

Wings or no wings, you're beautiful too.

See @thebirdspapaya for more inspiring stories of Women & their Wings.